The Secret of the Zucchini Strip

I've been seeing all these fancy-pants zucchini strip dinners lately.  My first thought?  I can do that.

I go for what I deem my most regrettable wedding registry item I requested and open the box.  What I had hoped to be a revolutionary tool to effortlessly create julienne style potatoes your grandma would be jealous of turned out to be a potential extremity altering death trap.  Who thought it was a good idea to slide your hand across a giant blade while applying pressure to a slippery vegetable?  A little note to all registry participants-do your research on mandoline slicers. . .it could save you from a future as a hook wielding pirate.  Arr.

It had so much potential when I saw it online.  If only it wasn't so easy to add things to your Target registry.
Blast you, Target!

I know my challenge.  Slice the zucchini without losing a finger. . . or a palm.

Next I have to decide what the heck is in all these fancy-pants zucchini strip dinners.  Cheese?  Probably ungodly amounts of cheese.  Gouda no less.  And maybe dill?  Doesn't dill go with cheese?  And yogurt?  Is this turning into some kind of housewife tzatziki experiment?

I don't like any of the aforementioned ideas.  Andy does have a disdain for yogurt, unfortunately.  But maybe it's the fact that I can't get yogurt to taste like anything besides yogurt.  "Mmm, beef with a side of stroganoff yogurt!"  But I'm committed.  I risked becoming palmless for 12 slices of zucchini which were happily roasting themselves in the 350 degree oven.

I began to do what every woman cooking dinner does when she doesn't know what to make:  chop garlic and onion.  That gives me three to five minutes to think of what to put in next.  Oh, dice up left over chicken with a little magic sauce (Worcestershire sauce-a delightful kick in the tongue).  I do a blind grab for some spices and pull out rosemary-sure!  And next I pull out basil-classic.  A little salt and wilt some spinach and magic!  A filling for my zucchini strips.

Now I get to figure out the roll-up and stuffing part.  No problem, right?  Did you see what I had to go through to get this far?

All I have to say is I truly believe deep deep down in my pampered chef heart, that all those zucchini-lovin-rolls, are posers.  How do you get food to stay inside a slippery, slimy strip of squash. . .AND have it look good?  I bet those pinterest pictures are cardboard cutouts.  Hmpf.

So I tried.  And tried.  And tried.

And finally three zucchini rolls were birthed. . .sort of.

Side note, when you pick up a zucchini roll to eat. . .it all falls out the bottom.  #fail

To loosely quote Jillian Michaels on her Yoga Meltdown DVD, "You should be proud of yourself; you tried something new today."

Thanks, Jill.  I know I can always count on you.

At least it tasted good. . .even in parts.

We complemented the mess with a good ol'fashioned salad to kind of round out the night.

Cheers to experiments and for making things way more difficult than they often need to be.